Three things I haven't learned in 33 years
A contrarian take to tickle your fancy
Do not adjust your television set (or email provider). This is an actual Lateral Thinking newsletter.
More specifically, it’s an anniversary edition. I’m writing this edition as a way to cope with my own existential dread. I probably wrote all of them for the same reason, but this one feels special.
Just so we don’t mess up the programming too much, let’s start with our usual lateral thinking exercise:
A man is walking in the rain with nothing to protect him from getting wet. Yet, not a single hair on his head gets wet. How is this possible?
An answer, as usual, at the end of this newsletter.
Accept you will never learn some things
First of all, I appreciate all of you consistently nagging me about when the next lateral thinking newsletter is coming out.
I wanted to be in the right headspace to write the next one. I thought about the subject of the “comeback” newsletter for a long time, but, as usual, I ended up writing it at an impulse when I felt the time was right.
Kudos to my reptile brain, I guess.
Today’s topic is about, funny enough, not doing things. Almost all 4,000 of us here have some interest in improving ourselves. In getting better with age. After all, this is our decade’s biggest peer pressure: ABC - Always Be Climbing.
Climbing a social ladder.
Climbing a personal goal.
Climbing some KPI.
Climbing the corporate ladder.
Climb something or be left behind. That’s what I feel the status quo is right now.
Apparently, turning 33 today put me in the right headspace. That being said, let me share 3 ideas that I know, but still haven’t been able to fully adopt into my lifestyle. I hope you’ll do better than me.
The constant race we find ourselves in reminds me of a zen story I read a while ago. I’ll reproduce it from memory here:
A zen student went to his master and said, “I am fully devoted to studying zen philosophy. How long will it take me to master it?”
The teacher replies: “10 years.”
Frustrated, the student answers: “I want to master it faster than that. I will be the most diligent student you’ve ever seen. I will practice every day, ten or more hours a day if I have to. How long will it take if I dedicate myself like that?”
The teacher then replies: “20 years.”
This is the first lesson I wish I would be able to truly internalize. There’s a wide array between not trying at all and trying like your life depends on it. Despite the things you’ll read on social media, approaching things without a “life or death” mindset usually has a higher shot of success. There are edge cases, of course, but they’re edge cases for a reason.
The second concept is about knowing yourself. We spend way too little time trying to figure out who we are and way too much time trying to figure out who people want us to be.
You might not understand the difference. I know I still truly don’t.
My litmus test for this is asking the question: “Do I like doing this because I’m good at it or because I enjoy doing it?”. I, for one, realize that most of my twenties were spent on doing things because I was good at them.
These things matter. It’s important to know what you’re good at. This will most likely propel you professionally. Especially if you do it dilligently. It’s what the Japanese call “Ikigai”.
The problem is you are very likely to confuse the things you are good at with the things that bring you true joy.
I know I still do.
I’m extremely good at my job. I’m good at different sports. For a long time, I thought these defined me because I would get praised for them.
I will still do these things. They are not what define me.
Oftentimes, I forget the things I love (and am also good at) completely because I feel guilty for doing them. They don’t provide the same social proof as the (professional) things I’m very good at.
Try to figure out what you love to do because you love the activity and what you love to do because you love the outcome. This is the most likely path to happiness.
The third concept is the one I feel the strongest about, but it’s also the hardest for me to internalize.
Social proof is simply availability bias. It feels really, really good to get “viral approval”. It’s what I felt when we went viral with the GME GO BRRR billboard and we ended up becoming the most upvoted post in Reddit history.
This is the equivalent of social cocaine. It has diminishing returns. You always come back for more, but it never feels as good as the first time. According to my friends, at least.
Do things that you believe in instead of doing things you think will generate social approval.
This will take you closer to personal success and will help you define your true self. The harder you try to get approval, the slimmer the chances you will get it.
I’m preaching these things, but I’m still working on all of them.
I’m aware and realize these things are all deeply true. But my reptile brain still has trouble including them in my day to day life.
Do better than me.
Answer: “The man is bald.”
But maybe we’re all bald on the inside.
Hi Matei, hb. The skill I was good at I disliked. Life blessed me with a different skill I love. Reflecting on your post, even my crummy wins were short-lived emotionally, so I prefer happily creating joy for myself winning as often as possible for self-development no matter what others say. Sooooo glad I found Blindspot, subscribed.